Dating and guys are probably the most talked about topic for girls. And no wonder; relationships are absolutely wonderful and very confusing as well. There are so many different opinions on relationships and guys, its hard to know which ones are the right ones to listen to. I wasn’t any different when I was a teenager (goodness, I feel old saying that, although it was only, like, 4 years ago!). As I got into the stage of starting to think about dating and guys, I wanted to know as much as I could about what made a good relationship, how to understand guys (because they seriously act so weird sometimes), and how it would work for me, as a Christian, to date. So I became a little bookworm, stockpiling all kinds of books, written by Christian authors, about relationships, dating, and guys. I filled up notebooks with all my notes. You might have called me a relationship freak! But all that reading really helped me once I got into a relationship. I want to share some of those books with you, hoping they may be a help to you as well.
1. Girls Gone Wise in a World Gone Wild by Mary Kassian
In today’s world, people think that a saucy, seductive woman is confident and empowered. And it has become the cultural norm to encourage girls to follow in this wild way. God has a lot to say about ‘wild’ women, especially in Proverbs. In this book, Mary Kassian contrasts behaviors and attitudes of the world’s girl-gone-wild and the girl-gone-wise that seeks to please God. This book is extremely well written and very interesting. Its not the typical rehash of all the other young women’s books out there. I absolutely love this book and have read through it at least two or three times. Its main focus is to help you become more godly in the way you think and conduct yourself in your relationships with men (and it has quite a bit of fantastic relationship advice as well).
This book shows the contract of the wild and wise girl:
- where she gets her instruction
- who directs her love story
- her prevailing disposition
- her priorities and routines
- how she adorns herself
- her non-verbal behavior
- her ability to nurture and sustain a relationship
Women and men are having a crisis of identity. Few people know, anymore, what it really means to be a women or a man. What’s worse is that even fewer care. They have no idea how important our God-given design is to our personal identity, our purpose, our wholeness, our well-being, and our capacity to enjoy healthy, fulfilling relationships. It matters how you live your life as a woman. It matters a great deal!
2. Boy Meets Girl by Joshua Harris
Say hello to courtship. No, not the the old-fashioned days of sitting across from the room from each other in awkward silence. Instead courtship is dating with a purpose. Romance chaperoned by wisdom. Its a relationship where the couple is actively and intentionally together to consider marriage. This popular book shares the story of the author’s experience of dating and courtship, and how he drew his conclusions from the Bible. When Seth and I were courting/dating, this book was a huge help as we got to know each other with marriage in mind. This book and the whole idea of courtship is very challenging, mainly because it is so different than the world’s selfish way of approaching relationships. If you are seeking to glorify God in your relationship, this book is a must read.
Topics covered in this book:
- Rethinking Romance-Why you need more than just intense feelings.
- The Season of Courtship
- Practical Principles for great communication.
- How to be passionately in love and sexually pure.
- Ten questions to answer before you get engaged.
The problems we see in relationships today-the impatience, the lack of purpose, and the misguided emotions-are all expressions of foolishness.
We need to move beyond typical, artificial dating activities and observe each other in real life settings-in families, in church life, with friends, handling the pressure at work. Courtship is a time to see the good, the bad, and the ugly in the one we love. Then our emotions and decisions about the relationship can be based on fact.
3. The Truth About Guys by Chad Eastham
I read this book when I was 16 and was immediately enthralled by it! First off, I was at the stage where I has some great guy friends and was beginning to see more differences in the way guys acted and the way their mind worked. Second, I was beginning to think a lot about dating and relationships. I wanted to know how a guy’s mind worked and why they did what they did. After reading this book so many of my questions about guys were answered. Chad Eastham writes in a very light, comical way and really knows how to explain what goes on in a guy’s brain.
Here’s some of the topics and questions he covers in his book:
- What do guys really want in a girl?
- Why are some guys such jerks or try to act so tough?
- Dating advice from guys.
- Why do guys care so much about what girls look like?
- Tips to help you communicate better with guys.
- Guys and commitment.
- Why don’t guys talk about their feelings?
Favorite Quotes from the book:
If you think guys know more about life than you do, it’s just not so. We just try to act cool, confident, or smooth; we really don’t think we are.
Saying no doesn’t make you a prude. It doesn’t make you come across as shallow, freezer-like or too uptight. The more you demand respect and set yourself apart from other girls, the more the right guy will want to put forth the time and effort to show you the respect and care you deserve.
4. Boundaries in Dating by Cloud & Townsend
I first read this book in the Personal Development class at college and I loved it. Written by the well-known Christian authors of Boundaries, Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend share extremely practical dating advice. This book is packed with tips on how to set boundaries in your dating relationship; boundaries that will help protect you from heartbreak, find the guy who might be the love of your life as well as your best friend, and promote honest, open communication so you can really know which guy is right for you.
Topics covered in this book:
- Who should you date?
- What you can live with and what you can’t.
- Beware when opposites attract.
- Solving dating problems.
- Setting appropriate physical limits.
- Dealing with deception in your relationship.
You will have a good relationship to the degree that you are able to be clear and honest about everything.
Romance is great. Attraction is great. But here is the key: If all of those are not built upon lasting friendship and respect for the person’s character, something is wrong. A real and lasting relationship must be built upon friendship first.
5. Passion and Purity by Elisabeth Elliot
I brought this book with me up to Canada for the summer after graduating college. On my free time when I wasn’t in the kitchen (I was the cook at a camp up there) I would take this book with me out to my favorite spot overlooking the Montreal River and read. And think. It is a very personal book where Elisabeth Elliot shares the letters, diary entries, and memories of her love story with Jim Elliot. The challenge presented is to consider the authority of Christ over human passion and set your heart on purity. Elisabeth and Jim’s love story is so captivating and extremely heartfelt. Reading about their patience and desire to glorify God was a huge encouragement to me as Seth and I began dating after I returned from Canada.
- loving passionately while remaining sexually pure
- whether or not to marry, and who is the right one
- the man’s and women’s role in relationships
- putting God’s desires ahead of personal desires
- how far is too far, physically
- what men look for
If there is an Enemy of Souls (and I have not the slightest doubt that there is), one thing he cannot stand is the desire for purity. Hence a man or woman’s passions become his battleground.
The hope was always there that God’s will would bring us together. It might not be that, I knew, and I realized that the deepest spiritual lessons are not learned by His letting us have our way in the end, but by His making us wait, bearing with us in love and patience until we are able honestly to pray what He taught His disciples to pray: Thy will be done.
6. What He Must Be by Voddie Baucham Jr.
This straight-forward book is written by a dad (Voddie Baucham) about 10 qualities a guy must have before marrying his daughter. Its main purpose is to help parents protect and guide their daughters to choose a spouse that loves God, but can also help young ladies to know what qualities to look for in a man. The standards presented here are high, but totally backed by scripture. We know that there is no such thing as a ‘perfect’ man but the qualities discussed in this book are ones extremely important if you’re looking for a godly, Christian husband. Know what to be looking for.
- The Ministry of Marriage
- A Father’s Role
- 10 things a marriage-material man will be
- Can’t Find One…Build One
I believe God has spoken rather decisively in his Word about what our daughters should look for. Moreover, I believe there are some non-negotiables that our daughters must be looking for. There are some things a man simply must be before he is qualified to assume the role of a Christian husband.
Any young man who undervalues male headship is not likely to lead his family.
We are all searching for the young man who looks like a king while ignoring the shepherd boy out back who has exactly what God is looking for (1 Samuel 16:1-12).
7. Preparing to be a Help Meet by Debi Pearl
“You spend your time pining away for your one true love and suddenly…you’re married and it is a lot more than you bargained for. Now is the hour you should be preparing to be a wife.” Oh, that is so true of many girls today. Even I was a bit that way. I would read all these romantic fiction books and didn’t care to learn about things that would be important in marriage. Then I read this book! What a wake up call! The challenge and message in this book put me on a path to prepare for marriage by pursuing knowledge, and I strongly believe it paid off. Now that I’m married I am so thankful I learned about herbal remedies, how to cook healthy food, run a household, and stretch money thin. This book is packed with practical relationship advice as well as insightful comments throughout the book from young men.
Issues discussed in this book:
- The 3 Types of Men
- Praying for your future husband.
- Gaining the necessary knowledge for married life.
- What guys find most attractive in girls.
- What a good guy really looks for in a potential wife.
- The 3 Types of Girls.
- Should you tell a guy you like him?
Vivaciousness and joy will do a hundredfold more to make a girl look attractive than the best makeup and hairstyles money can buy.
Married life is not all romance and passion (maybe only 5%). The rest of your time is devoted to the routine of living. Whether your family, not to mention your passion, survives life’s curve-balls depends on knowledge-yours.
8. Let Me Be A Woman by Elisabeth Elliot
This little book has impacted my life! My mom gave it to me for Christmas before I left for college and it has been one of my absolute favorites ever since! Elisabeth Elliot has such a way of connecting through her books, especially this one. She takes on some big issues Christian women deal with today, mainly what it means to be a woman, as well as giving simple yet life changing advice on relationships and marriage. Keep a highlighter near by when reading this book! (I have even written down so many of my favorite parts from this book on sticky notes and put them in my Bible.)
- The Single Life
- Masculinity vs. Femininity
- Questions to ask before Marriage
- What makes a Marriage Work
- Submission in Marriage
It is mutual commitment to a common belief that is the only solid base for lasting communion, in marriage or in any other fellowship. Anything less will not stand the test of living.
The kind of love that makes a marriage work is far more that feelings. Feelings are the least dependable things in the world. To build a marriage on that would be to build a house on sand. When you promise, in the wedding ceremony, to love, you are not promising how you expect to feel. You are promising a course of action which begins on your wedding day and goes on as long as you both live.
9. For Young Women Only by Shaunti Feldhaln
Another fantastic book that gives well-informed insight into the minds of guys. Because this book is based off surveys and personal interviews with teenage guys, it’s right from the guys themselves! I read this book when I was younger and, again, after marriage. I even read some parts of it to my husband, and he agreed with basically all the guy’s comments, so I knew the book was on point! Once you know the truth about the way guys think, you’ll have the opportunity to make better, smarter decisions in your interactions with the guys you know-whether its your boyfriend, guy friends, or family.
Topics discussed in this book:
- Why your love is not enough.
- Mr. Gorgeous and Cocky is actually insecure.
- Peek into the real heart of Mr. Tough guy.
- What “guys are visual” means and what it means for you.
- Why guys care that girls take care of themselves.
- What guys really want to tell you.
In a relationship conflict, crying is often a woman’s response to feeling unloved, and anger is often a man’s response to feeling disrespected.
Lots of guys said that they had a big problem with fakeness in girls. They hate it! And they told us they even felt that way about the “hot” girls who dressed in really tight or revealing clothes. They want the real girl-the real diamond that really is in there-not someone who feels like they have to camouflage who they really are.
If you’re looking for some more dating and relationship books, here are some other fantastic books that I just have to mention!
- Finding the Love of Your Life by Neil Clark Warren
- When God Writes Your Love Story by Eric and Leslie Ludy
- Sacred Singleness by Leslie Ludy
- Understand Your Man by Tim LaHaye
Have you read a relationship book that really helped or encouraged you? I would love to hear about it! Comment below! <3
* This post contains affiliate links, but as always all opinions are my very own.